Be at Rest Once More

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I need to keep reminding myself of some things. The Huzz has a good job and I’m blessed to stay home. My cup runneth over. I have my long awaited, long prayed for miracle baby. My cup runneth over. I have a Savior who died for me. Him for me. My cup runneth over.

I have been praying lately over baby number two. Should we go back to the fertility doctor? We tried already off and on for over a year for number two without success. We stopped trying with fertility procedures late last fall. Should we move onto adoption? Should we just be content with our life as it is? Neither the Huzz or I have felt a peace about which direction to take. So, we have just been waiting.

Last week, I found this verse in the Psalms and I read it all week. I just kept coming back to it.

“Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for The Lord has been good to you.”
Psalm 116:7

Thank you Lord. He has been SO good to me. Perhaps it’s time for me to be content with what The Lord has given to me. A Huzz who adores me, a beautiful child, a beautiful home, two loving families, wonderful friends… And on and on…

A few evenings ago, the Huzz and I sat outside in chairs watching SG go up our two front stairs and hop down each one, with such a happy and triumphant look on her little face. I had tears in my eyes watching her. I told the Huzz that I was so happy watching her and I remembered back to when I wondered if we would ever have a child of our own. Would I ever get to experience pregnancy? Or would I always eye round pregnant bellies and try to smile and not feel envy? Would I ever get to watch my child play?

As much as I want another child (and I would be lying if I said I didn’t), I think it’s time to completely and totally surrender this to The Lord. I’m ready to “be still” and know that God has this! He does. And of course, all along I’ve known this. And I believe it. And know it’s time to live it.

Here’s more of Psalm 116, with a little skipping around:
“I love The Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy…
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of The Lord…
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion…
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for The Lord has been good to you.”
Verses 1, 3b-5, 7

A few hours after I wrote this, I was driving and heard this song. I knew I had to come back and add the lyrics to this post. It’s a song by Casting Crowns. Already There. Here it is:

From where You’re standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands

Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

When I’m lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You’re already there

He has heard my cry, captured each and every tear through every trial and has seen me through my entire life. It’s time to be at rest once more. My cup runneth over.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares The Lord,’plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'”
Jeremiah 29:11

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14 thoughts on “Be at Rest Once More

  1. Sigh…such a beautiful post. Such a HARD thing to do! But you’re right. Your cup runneth over and you are truly blessed. I’m in the same boat (not the same situation, but the same “fret about the future and try to let go” boat) and I’m almost to the place where you are, but not quite. Maybe soon, I’ll be at rest, too. Thanks for the nudge. πŸ™‚

    • Thanks Mama! I’m always a little nervous yet excited when I post something so personal. Truthfully, it’s taken me & the Huzz since last fall to decide. I’m very much at peace right now. That’s not to say The Lord won’t nudge us in a different direction in the future, but for now, I’m ready to lay this down at Jesus feet (I always do) but this time, NOT pick it back up! That’s the hardest part. πŸ™‚ I’ll pray for you about being at rest. I’m glad to give you the nudge!

  2. I have carried a baby inside me and on the road to hopefully adopting four. I can tell you that adoption is just as special as pregnancy in its own way πŸ™‚ But you are so right, you have to be at peace with yourself and God will take your hand and lead you right where you have meant to be! I am praying for you πŸ™‚ God has his perfect plan laid out for you!

    • Thanks Jamie. I appreciate the prayers! I have several friends who have adopted and their stories are beautiful, you’re right. For now, I’m finally content and ready to be at rest. πŸ™‚ And I agree, God has a plan for us. That I fully and completely rest in!!!

  3. Such a beautiful piece! You have a gift for writing that you do a brilliant job of sharing. God will show you the way. Enjoy the journey and the lessons it teaches along the way. Keep eyes and ears open for his words being whispered to you. Hugs!

    • Thanks Janet! I have to give God the glory, because I sit down to write with only a vague idea and it all just flows out of me. It’s so therapeutic! I’m definitely listening for His words being whispered- at least I’m trying.

      Have you heard the song “Need You Now” by Plumb? Your words reminded me of her lyrics,
      “Standing on a road I didn’t plan
      Wondering how I got to where I am
      I’m trying to hear that still small voice
      I’m trying to hear above the noise…”

      I just love that song. Thanks for commenting and hugs right back at ya!!!

  4. Thanks for writing this. It seems for the first time I can totally relate to somebody. It’s like you can read my thoughts.

    I’ve had a really similar past. I got married when I was 25. We started trying for a baby straight away. It took 3 years until we eventually had a beautiful baby boy. As soon as we had him, we started trying again for another. It took 2 years for me to get pregnant again. Unfortunately this time our baby was really sick. He had down syndrome, as well as all the signature problems associated, missing lots of his heart, bowel obstructions etc. We prayed and fasted fervently for his healing. He passed away when I was 36 weeks pregnant and I gave birth to a stillborn. We named him Micah -meaning God’s gift. It was the most difficult trial of my life, but at the same time, drew my husband and I so close to God we could rejoice in the adversity.

    We are still trying to conceive 3 years after loosing him and just recently stopped all the tests and intervention. Together with still struggling from grief, I’m trying to learn contentment and peace that I know only comes from God. I also would like to know what God wills for our little family. God bless you.

    • Thanks for sharing your story. My heart aches for your struggles and your loss.

      Even after writing this, I still feel the little pangs in my heart and the longing for another child. I’ve held onto this verse tightly! Recently, the Huzz and I decided to let go of all of the baby items (clothes, toys, swing, changing table, etc,) we had been holding on to. We decided to let go of waiting for a “maybe baby.” If The Lord chooses to bless us again, we will just start again. It was a hard decision, but so freeing. Does that make sense?

      I hope you find peace and rest in The Lord. Hugs to you!

  5. Pingback: Letting Go of our Maybe Baby | Blessed Little Family

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