My Fears

I’m getting real here with my fears, so please hear my heart. Unless you have a food allergic child, it’s hard to understand. That cheese, butter, milk, and eggs make my heart skip a beat. That cheesy Doritos and milkshakes make me back away and turn the other direction. That a simple question from a two year old noticing other children at the mall eating ice cream can make me want to burst into tears: “Mommy, can I have some ice cream, too?” Can you hear my heart shattering? Into a million little shards?

There is always, at the back of my mind, the what ifs. What if she accidentally grabs a friend’s food? What if someone’s milk spills on her? What if the cheese dip accidentally splashes on her? Will this be the time she stops breathing and needs the Epi-Pen? Will this worry and fear ever end? I know I’m not supposed to worry but be cautious. The Bible tells me not to worry. God is in control and He gave SG to me. I’m her caregiver and have to be her first line of defense until she’s old enough to do it herself.

My prayer right now:
Dear Lord Jesus,
Will you please help me to trust you completely with this? Lord, I know I’m not supposed to worry but this is SO HARD. Please keep SG safe and put a hedge of protection around her. Please heal her of her food allergies, Lord, whether miraculously or her outgrowing them. Help me to remember, whatever Your answer, You are enough. Father God, help me to do the best I can as her mother. Strengthen me. Help me not to feel crazy but to be cautious. I know You are sovereign and I thank You for my precious child. Thank You Lord.

In Jesus Name,
Amen.

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”
Luke 12:25

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28

“Blessed are those whose strength is in you…”
Psalm 84:5

Like I said in Why I Blog, this is me. The real me. Nothing fancy. My fears and life, for all the world to see.

Now you know a little bit more about me. Until next time, my friend.

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7 thoughts on “My Fears

  1. My thoughts are with you! I cannot imagine the fear – I know, I myself, take it for granted that my kids can eat whatever, whenever….but you know what? You do a GREAT job at being her first line of defense. Keep up the good work.

  2. It is really overwhelming and scary. Most people who have never dealt with sever allergies have a hard time understanding the fear that comes along with the allergy. They are always so concerned about how hard it must be to find things for your child to eat, but that’s the easy part. It’s the constant stress and fear that is the hard part.

    • I agree completely with what you wrote. The Huzz reminded me the night I wrote this (after I broke down and cried) that the constant stress cannot be good for my body. I agree. It’s so hard to balance- I kind of feel like a clumsy gymnast constantly falling off the balance beam. If I can learn to hang on, it’d be great! Does that make sense? 🙂

  3. Parenting is THE hardest job ever for sure! Food allergies are scary to deal with for sure. Hugs! Sorry that her reactions are so severe. I’m so thankful that Nicholas’ main reaction is to get a super bad rash that itches like crazy.

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