Letting Go of our Maybe Baby

If you are a follower of this blog, Blessed Little Family, you know that my faith shapes my views.

If you have followed my posts, you know that we have battled infertility– twice, yet we only beat it once. We have moved multiple times for the Huzz’s career. We live with life threatening food allergies. I pretty much, for some reason, have decided to just lay it all out here for the entire world to see.

After writing “Be At Rest Once More”, I have felt so much peace. (Oh, I still have my moments, but mostly I have been in a really good place.) Since then, The Lord has been moving in my heart and in our lives. We’ve decided to let go of some major things. Some I’m not ready to share yet.

One thing we decided to let go of was stuff for our “maybe baby.” By stuff, I mean a ton of baby items we used with SG: changing table, all of her beautiful baby clothes, baby toys, bumbo, swing, etc. That doesn’t sound very meaningful, but it is. It was not easy. But it has been freeing.

I feel like if I’m truly trusting in The Lord and trying to be CONTENT WITH WHAT I HAVE, then I don’t need to hang on to baby stuff I just don’t need. It’s only a REMINDER of the second child I DON’T HAVE.

We have decided if The Lord chooses to bless us with another child, we will JOYFULLY start again with everything we need. It will be pure bliss to shop for another miracle baby, IF that is what The Lord wills for our family.

For now, I will:

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for The Lord has been good to you.”
Psalm 116:7

I continue to hold onto this verse and seek contentment in all of the wonderful blessings The Lord has given me.

I am blessed, indeed.

Yes, very much so.

Be at Rest Once More

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I need to keep reminding myself of some things. The Huzz has a good job and I’m blessed to stay home. My cup runneth over. I have my long awaited, long prayed for miracle baby. My cup runneth over. I have a Savior who died for me. Him for me. My cup runneth over.

I have been praying lately over baby number two. Should we go back to the fertility doctor? We tried already off and on for over a year for number two without success. We stopped trying with fertility procedures late last fall. Should we move onto adoption? Should we just be content with our life as it is? Neither the Huzz or I have felt a peace about which direction to take. So, we have just been waiting.

Last week, I found this verse in the Psalms and I read it all week. I just kept coming back to it.

“Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for The Lord has been good to you.”
Psalm 116:7

Thank you Lord. He has been SO good to me. Perhaps it’s time for me to be content with what The Lord has given to me. A Huzz who adores me, a beautiful child, a beautiful home, two loving families, wonderful friends… And on and on…

A few evenings ago, the Huzz and I sat outside in chairs watching SG go up our two front stairs and hop down each one, with such a happy and triumphant look on her little face. I had tears in my eyes watching her. I told the Huzz that I was so happy watching her and I remembered back to when I wondered if we would ever have a child of our own. Would I ever get to experience pregnancy? Or would I always eye round pregnant bellies and try to smile and not feel envy? Would I ever get to watch my child play?

As much as I want another child (and I would be lying if I said I didn’t), I think it’s time to completely and totally surrender this to The Lord. I’m ready to “be still” and know that God has this! He does. And of course, all along I’ve known this. And I believe it. And know it’s time to live it.

Here’s more of Psalm 116, with a little skipping around:
“I love The Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy…
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of The Lord…
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion…
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for The Lord has been good to you.”
Verses 1, 3b-5, 7

A few hours after I wrote this, I was driving and heard this song. I knew I had to come back and add the lyrics to this post. It’s a song by Casting Crowns. Already There. Here it is:

From where You’re standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands

Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

When I’m lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You’re already there

He has heard my cry, captured each and every tear through every trial and has seen me through my entire life. It’s time to be at rest once more. My cup runneth over.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares The Lord,’plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'”
Jeremiah 29:11